


DANGANRONPA: HOT FUZZ

by KirigiriRamen



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa Zero, Hot Fuzz (2007), Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Epic Bromance, Gen, Good Cop Bad Cop, Gore, Guns, NOT A YAOI FIC FOR GOD'S SAKE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 10:11:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1506692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KirigiriRamen/pseuds/KirigiriRamen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title explains it all. <br/>Let the mayhem begin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	DANGANRONPA: HOT FUZZ

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Guys! Thanks for all the support you've shown.  
> This fic was basically a result of paranoia that someone may act on the idea first, and a rewatching of the entire Cornetto Trilogy.   
> This is my first attempt at Ishimondo, though. I apologize if anything seems inappropriate.  
> Thanks!

**BAR: 12:35pm**

It was only until high noon in the middle of the month that the weatherman finally decided to adopt the mask of captain obvious: a heat wave had fallen upon the city of Tokyo.

“Temperatures have reached a record high earlier today, and there will be no cloud cover throughout these two days.” The guy on the small Tv hung in front of the counter with the slicked black hair shakes his head in mock disappointment. “Experts have yet to reach a satisfying answer as to why such a heat wave has reached this area, but some are saying that it is just another result of something called Global Warming. Interesting term. What do you think of that, Suzuki?”

“ _I_ think someone put shit in his lunch. “ The man that spoke was powerfully built, and as he spoke he downed a glass of chocolate stout. “See, you can tell by all the crap he’s spouting.”

“Sempai, I think you’ve had enough.” The young blond shakes his head. “We need to be on constant alert.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’m already watching myself.” He fingers his badge on the blue uniform.

The situation increasingly stunk of bullshit. People who absolutely didn’t need to go out today, stayed within their homes, ACs and fans turned up to their maximum level. Cats took shelter underneath cardboard boxes, too hot even to snarl at the dogs that pass by. Currently the two policemen were on break, and gratefully slipped into the seedy bar at the older one’s suggestion, and passed the time drinking lager after lager.

“Sempai, do you really think this place’s appropriate for us?” The younger officer bites into his edamame as he looks around surreptitiously.

“We’ll just spout the normal stuff, that we were checking to see that there’s law and order within this area.” The man gazed unblinkingly at the hostesses in the corner.  
“Yeah, that’s the only thing you’re checking out.” The younger officer smirked.

The man glared back as the two gold bars on his emblem came into full view. “Know your place, brat.”

“Sorry, sempai.” The officer sullenly sips his lychee beer.

_Kids._ The senior thought as he gestured the bartender to come over.

“Right, you two. Anything else you’ll be needing?” The bartender nervously wiped his glasses with a moldy rag. 

“Yeah.” The senior brandished his ID. “First of all, this stout’s obviously been watered down.” Ignoring the protests made by the bartender, he went on. “May I see the permit of this place, please?”

The bartender breaks into a cold sweat, as the newsman continued on.

_Busted._

“Er… don’t misunderstand, but,” he looks away, “I seem to have misplaced it and-“

“You misplaced your permit?” The younger officer raised an eyebrow. “Not a very convincing argument, considering  the fact you haven’t even begun searching!”

“Well-really, but that’s certainly-“

“Takashi, don’t interrupt.” The senior took charge of the conversation. “Just show us the permit, and find it wherever it is, and we’ll decide whether to bring you in or leave this joint unravaged.”

“Right away, sir.” The bartender hurried off into the store room.

**_BZZT_ **

“Robbery on ************ District, suspect is on red Toyota, moving  on the highway-“ The walkie talkie crackled.

“Hold this.” The senior pushed the glass towards the officer as he stood from the barstool.

“You’re leaving already?” the officer protested.

“When he comes back with another bullshit excuse, bring him in.” He steps out into the sweltering heat, and hopped onto the official white motorcycle. Inserting the key and starting the engines, he removed his blazer in a lump and tossed it at the back.

Engines roaring into life, sirens wailing, and the senior officer sped out onto the burning roads.

“Sempai wear your helmet~” The officer gave up, as the bartender returned from the storage room empty-handed.

*************************

The thief smiled to himself as he sped on the highway. _Another easy day._

He knew it would take ages for the officers to gain access onto the highway at this time, and by the time they initiate pursuit, he would already have switched cars. _And then another night spent on that what’s-her-name at the alleyway._

Cranking the radio up higher, he overtook a white Mazda as the other exit came into view. Swerving to the left onto the one way road, knowing the end was near, he laughed with the air of victory.

It was then that the motorcycle speeding towards him came into view.

The thief mutely stared, then repeatedly blasted the horn in indignation. _This is a one-way road!_  But the motorcycle only increased in speed, and the man finally realized the driver’s intention, just as the driver jumped out of the speeding vehicle.

_Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-_ The thief swerved to the right in desperation.

The motorcycle collided with such force smack dab onto the middle of the doors that the Toyota creaked unevenly to its left.  Ears ringing from the impact, the thief desperately grabbed the cash and kicked the door open. 

_I’ve got to get out of here._ He was halfway out from the road when the officer started his pursuit.

**Senior Police Officer Mondo Oowada**

The thief turned and saw the officer 20 meters away from him.

**Ex-biker turned cop in 2013.**

15 meters.

**Attended Senshuhei course and passed with full honors**.

10 meters. The thief desperately took out the handgun and blindly fired behind him, with Oowada easily swerving out of the way.

**Displayed great aptitude in field exercises.**

5 meters. The gun finally ran out of bullets and the thief finally stopped. _Not giving up now._ He thought as he extracted a large knife as the officer lunged towards him.

**Notably earned in pacification and riot control.**

The thief swung the blade in a large arc, and the officer easily grasped his hand and crushed his wrists, causing a yelp of pain and the knife disarmed.

**Failed all written tests, yet showed brilliance in the field and other exercises.**

“Right, you’re under arrest.” Oowada snarled as he clapped handcuffs towards the man. “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can be used against you and all that shit.”

**Established fearsome reputation amongst the underworld community.**

The thief’s eyes narrowed in recognition. “Aren’t you-“

“No.” Oowada shook him hard as he extracted the walkie talkie from his waist. “I’ve captured the suspect, requesting evac.”

“Request for evac heard. Oowada, meet Tsubaki after you come in.”

**Proceeded to improve skills in advanced biking, driving, stunts, and parkour.**

40 minutes later, Oowada straightened his cap as he briskly made his way through the metropolitan police building.

**Began active duty in 2013.**

The workers stared at him with reverence as he passed without giving them another look.

**In the last 12 months, has received 9 special commendations.**

“Yo.” He nodded to the receptionist.

“Ah, yes.” She smiled as she peered down the list. “Tsubaki’s expecting you.”

“So I’ve been told.” Oowada rolled his eyes as he knocked on the door with a bandaged hand.

**Achieved the highest arrest record out of any officer in the country.**

“Come in.” A reedy voice rang.

**Sustained only 3 injuries in the line of fieldwork, the most recent being a stab wound from a man… disguised as Father Christmas.**

************************

The Sergeant grinned. “Hello, Oowada.”

“Hello, Sergeant.” Oowada tonelessly replied.

Tsubaki set down a folder and crossed his hands under his head. “How’s the hand?”

Oowada frowned as he considered the question. “Still a bit stiff.”

The sergeant laughed. “It can get pretty hairy out there, I’ll admit. I’m surprised you haven’t settled down for a desk job like I did.”

_Spending the rest of my days in an office that reeks of donuts and cheap air fresheners? No fucking way._

“I prefer to think that my office is out on the streets.” Oowada said in a measured tone.

“Indeed you do.” Tsubaki opened the folder and read aloud in wonder. “Your arrest record is 400% higher than anyone else’s, and that’s disregarding the amount of criminals you let other people take care of because of your penchant of not doing-“

“Paperwork.” Oowada nodded. “Hate doing it.”

“It’s part of the job, but moving on.” Tsubaki took a deep breath. “Given that the crime rate has virtually vanished because of you within Tokyo, we decided it’s high time we put your skills to better use.”

Oowada’s eyes widened. “Sir?”

“We’re promoting you to sergeant.” He smiled.

_…SHIT._ Oowada closed his eyes and controlled himself. _Calm down, all for the gang. A higher position would mean a higher level of duty and responsibility over a larger area, and more free reign._

“…Thank you, sir.” Oowada finally ejaculated.

Tsubaki muttered something under his breath in a single line.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Oowada leaned forward.

“in the town of Hope’s Peak.” He finished.

Oowada blinked once. Twice.

“HANG ON A MINUTE.” Oowada stuttered. “That place’s in the countryside!”

“Yep.” Tsubaki smiled, and Oowada started feeling that familiar wrath well up within his fists.

“Isn’t there a position here in Tokyo?” Oowada snarled.

“Nope.”

“…Can I remain here as a senior police officer?”

“Nope.”

“DO I HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE IN THIS?!”

“Nopety, Nopety , Neeeeeeew.” He crooned.

Oowada finally understood where the conversation was going, and fear began welling up in his gut.

“Sir, with all due respect, I kind of like it here, and I need to be here.” He pleaded.

“Oh you mean, with all that family background you have?” Tsubaki laughed. “Don’t worry, we’ll take care of them shortly.”

_What the hell do you mean, take care of them?!_

“Now hang on.” Oowada shook his head. “You said if I joined the taskforce, the Crazy Diamonds would be given free reign within Tokyo, and not be treated as delinquents.”

“That’s only if you remain in Tokyo.” He smiled. “But now you’re promoted to sergeant. Congratulations.”

“You’re declaring war.” Oowada finally realized.

“With all members of your gang out on the streets, the police force will round them out in no time.” He clapped in glee. “Who knows, maybe they’ll all join the force just like you did after a brief time in the slammer.”

This was not boding well for Oowada and the gang, and Oowada knew it.

“So, anything you’d like to say, Oowada-kun?”

“…I’d like to speak to the inspector.” He snarled.

“You want to speak to the inspector? Righto.” He nonchalantly rang the black phone on his desk. “Fair warning, he’s going to tell you the exact same thing as I did.”

As the sergeant began whistling as he dialed, Oowada sank further and further into his seat. _Please tell me this is a fucking joke._

******************************

2 minutes later, a dashing blond young man cheerfully walked in.

“Afternoon, Oowada. How’s the hand?” He sat down beside the Sergeant.

“Still a bit stiff. But that’s not the point. Sir, I’ve been hearing some pretty nasty shit about me being transferred to blasted Hope’s Peak.” Oowada quickly accused.

“Yeah, I’ve heard.” He took the AC remote and dialed it down a few notches down. “God, it’s hot outside.”

“You’ve heard.” Oowada repeated incredulously. “Surely you have something to say about this?!”

The inspector briefly exchanged conspiratorially glances with the sergeant. “Uh…Yeah. Where’ve you been living after you got out of prison?”

“In the section house, with the new recruits.”Tsubaki piped up. “He’s living out of cardboard boxes.”

“What, the gang never let him back in?” The inspector’s face fell.

“After he agreed to work with us, of course.”

“Splendid.” The inspector laughed. “You’re ready to go already.”

Oowada could scarcely believe his eyes as he stared interchangeably between the two. _Wipe those shit-eating grins off your faces, damnit._

“I-inspector?”

“We’re offering you the finest room in the finest hotel in the town, and a great position to boot.” The inspector continued to smile, his white teeth glittering with malignant accomplishment.

“I…I… I don’t know what else to fucking say.” Oowada gasped.

“How about ‘Yes please’?” The sergeant offered.

“Or maybe, ‘Thanks a bunch, sir’?” The inspector piped up.

“No, I’m sorry.” Oowada determinedly stared back. “I want to take this higher up. Call the fucking superintendent.”

The room rang with a ding of silence.

“You want him…to call all the way down here from the branch in Ginza?” The inspector repeated.

“Yes.”

“Just to hear what he’s got to say?” Tsubaki frowned.

“Yes, please and fucking thanks a lot.”

The inspector rubbed his face in exasperation. “I really don’t think it’s necessary-“

“I knew it.” Oowada smirked. “You’re pulling my leg.”

“But are you sure you want to call him?” The inspector looked up.

“YES!”

“FINE.” The inspector glared as he reached for the telephone.

“DAD!” He called, and Soichiro Yagami walked in.

Oowada nearly fell out of his chair in shock.

“Hello, Oowada.” The mustached man sat down. “How’s the hand?”

“Still a bit stiff.” Light informed him.

“Superintendent, I think you should hear the things your son’s been telling me-“ Oowada recovered.

“Yes, I’ve heard outside.” He gestured. “And I’m here to provide the necessary explanations.”

Oowada paled. _He’s in on this thing-_

“Look, what Light has refrained from telling you is, you’ve been making us all look bad.” Soichiro superciliously shook his head.

For a moment all Oowada could do was gape open-mouthed at the three fucking stooges.

“I’m sorry, sir?”

“AND what’s even more depressing is, you haven’t even left any criminals to capture.” Soichiro eyed the folder with disdain. “Crime Rates have fallen to an all-time low. How do you think that makes us feel?”

“Sir, isn’t that a good thing-“

“Course, we do appreciate your efforts, but you’ve been rather letting the side down.”

“It’s all about being a team!” Light offered.

“If we continue to let you run around town, you’ll continue to be exceptional,” Soichiro leaned forward, “and we can’t have that. You’ll knock us all out of a job.”

“But then what about my-“

“They’ll be treated as they were before, and will be wanted for their damages to the city, speeding, general disregard for societal rules and so on.” Soichiro waved the matter aside. “Unless, of course, they go with you to-“

“No.” Oowada snarled.

“Alright then, we’ll just do whatever we planned.” Tsubaki clapped his hands. “Good luck, Oowada.”

Oowada gaped at the sergeant, the inspector and the superintendent in despair.

_Fuck you, fuck you too, and fuck you in particular._

“With all due respect, sir, you can’t just make someone disappear.”

“Yes I can, I’m the superintendent.” He grinned.

“Well, you’ve forgotten to take one thing into account.” Oowada marched to the door and flung it open. “AND THAT’S WHAT THE TEAM WILL THINK OF THIS!”

_POP!_

The entire taskforce raised their glasses in a salute, grins etched madly on their faces. A banner hung with the words ‘Good Luck, Oowada!’ over their heads. In the corner of his eye, Suzuki held the fizzling bottle of champagne and waved ecstatically.

Oowada’s face fell.

_…I’ve been betrayed._

**************************

** Kabukicho 17:45 **

Over the thin red glow of the lantern overhead, the guard’s eyes strained as he flipped through the gravure magazine. He silently cursed his luck to be stationed outside on this sweltering day, but was thankful for the dark shade provided by the rafters overhead, as he stood carefully outside the battered door.

He took a long drag from the electronic cigarette, and coughed in disgust. _Cherry flavored, what the fuck was I thinking?_  Sighing, he contented himself with a long stare at Saotome Love's well-formed breasts.

**CRACK.**

The magazine was immediately thrown aside, as the guard rapidly put his hand to his firearm lodged in the holster.  Squinting in the darkness, he made out a large towering figure. Gradually, he could see that the intruder wore a uniform of blue.

_Crap. It’s the fuzz._

He was just about to escape back into the building when the intruder held him back.

“Don’t wet your pants, it’s me.”

The guard looked at the man with astonishment, then apprehension.

“Why are you here?” He spat.

“I’m leaving.”

“You left a long time ago.”

“I didn’t quit, shithead.” Mondo Oowada cracked his knuckles menacingly.

“…Then you’re leaving the police force-“

“For a nice little town by the country-side, Hope’s Peak.” Oowada sighed.

The guard dropped his cigarette.

“Where’s Aniki?”

“…You better come inside and wait.”

*************************

 20 minutes later, motorcycles roared to a stop outside the building. Oowada looked up from the desk in his brother’s study, and wiped the sheen of sweat that had accumulated in his anxiety.

_Easy now, you haven’t seen him in a long time, just show that you’re alright._

**_CRASH!_ **

The door bursts open, and a helmeted biker sauntered within the room. Oowada immediately stood up in respect.

“Aniki, I need to tell you, I’ve been relocated.”

“I’m not Daia.” The biker shook his head as another entered the room.

“Come again, you said you were what?!" Daia took off his helmet.

Mondo bit his lip. "It's quite a long story, can we discuss this in private,  please?"

For a moment the 3 men eyed each other in incomprehension.

"That means you're out, Bob." Daia gestured outside.

"Oh!" Bob clapped his hands. "Right, sorry I just... You know." Without another word he exited the room and slid the sliding door shut.

Daia scrutinized his little brother in surprise. "It's been quite a while, I'll admit. Though I'm surprised they let you keep that hairstyle in the force."

"I have to let it down in formal occasions, but that's beside the point." Mondo sat down once more on the tatami mat. "I've been promoted."

"To?"

"Sergeant. But the job's a long way from Tokyo."

Daia closed his mouth.  "Can't you refuse it and stay here?"

"The fucking superintendent came down personally to inform me of the decision. The party was still going strong when I left." Oowada snickered ruefully as Daia strode to the small refrigerator in his room.

"Well, that's certainly abrupt. So, I'm assuming that we will be outside your jurisdiction?" He took out two small lagers.

"Yeah. So the fuzz is going to be hot on our heels." Oowada gratefully accepted the drink and flipped out the cap. "Which means that once again we're targeted just like the other gang- _why is this non-alcoholic?_ "

"You're going to be driving off soon." Daia took a healthy swig out of his own bottle. "The last thing we need is another accident."

Mondo paused, the mouth if the bottle stopping midway to his lips.

"...I guess not." Mondo swallowed, wiping away the unpleasant memories.

"Look, the entire gang's been pretty OK with it." Daia waved a finger. "Most of them are convinced that I was the one who went over the speed limit and got hit by that truck." He paused, taking note of Mondo's depressed look. "The injuries have healed, too."

"No, not all of them believe it." Mondo sighed.

Daia scooted over next to Mondo and put his free arm around him. "I never blamed you either."

"It doesn't change the fact that you got injured."

"I'm the elder, I'm supposed to be responsible for my brother's idiot mistakes." He laughed. "And I certainly never told you to join the police force."

Mondo stared back. "They agreed to leave the Crazy Diamonds alone in exchange for my service."

"I know, and now there's this urban legend that the Crazy Diamonds is a government hitman group." Daia finished the entire contents of the bottle in a swig. "Certainly feels that way, when every gang you meet doesn't put up much of a fight, and the cops look the other way."

"Well, I'm glad someone enjoys the benefits." Mondo allowed a small smile. "But now that there's virtually no crime left, they're after us. You can't outrun the Tokyo Police, Aniki."

"Oh don't worry. We're not the largest gang around for no reason, you know."  Daia grinned. "We're gonna give them so much hell."

The two brothers settled into silence. It was always within his brother's presence that Mondo could be truly relaxed and at peace, and he cherished it.

"So... The big question now is, are you quitting the police force?"

Mondo flinched.

"...Probably not."

"Oh come on, we've been through this." Daia sighed in exasperation. "You can come back anytime, we'll welcome you back with open arms."

"Maybe _I'm_ not ready to go back yet." Mondo whispered.

The two descended into silence once more.

"Alright then, but anytime you need help, give us a call." Daia gave up.

"I'll make a note of it."

"Kawasaki Ninja or Vulcan?"

"Is that a trick question?"

*****************************

** SECTION HOUSE **

**_BEEP._ **

"Hello, Sergeant Oowada. This is the inspector of Hope's Peak Police Department. I'm calling with the details of your accommodation. We've got you a nice little room at Hotel Hope, on Hope Hill at Hope street, Hope Drive. I look forward to meeting you anon. Good bye."

Oowada switched off his phone, and placed his clothes in a ragged lump in the suitcase. He considered bringing along the small TV in his room, but soon decided against it, and proceeded on to his large shelf of DVDs.

"Right. This will take a while." Oowada said aloud as he extracted the first DVD.

'Die Hard'

_Of Course._ He threw it inside.

Point Break.

Bad Boys.

_Mm-hmm._

Bad Boys II.

_All into the pile._

A Good Day to Die Hard.

_Fuck no!_

Oowada tossed the DVD into the bin.

This went on, from _The Expendables 2_ to _The Mechanic,_ until the shelf was bare with a thin layer of dust, and the bin filled with reject DVDs.

_That should do it._ As he finally managed to clamp his suitcase shut, two trainee recruits knocked on the door.

"Sir. Is it true you're leaving?"

Oowada nodded apologetically. "Yeah, it's nothing serious, don't worry."

The trainees flushed.

"Actually, we've just come to ask whether we can have your room."

*******************************

**_BEEP_ **

"Hello, Sergeant Oowada. It's the inspector again, few things you should note: Hotel Hope at Hope Street, Hope Drive and Hope Hill is rather far from the town's city centre and necessities, so it would be great if you could bring a means of personal transport for your own convenience. Cheerio.”

Oowada clumsily strapped the suitcase into his jet black Kawasaki Ninja, and fastened his helmet in silence.

_This is going to be a long ride._

As the engines roared into life, he took a final sweep of the area.

Finally making his mind, the wheels screeched with friction and the biker was off.

**Author's Note:**

> To see which scenes this chapter parodied:  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CevdsQmQKvg  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT5bnywJuhc  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-g4d6HinVIg


End file.
